I had my 4 week post c-section visit with Dr. Dodge, it was a quick in and out thing, I was running late (no surprise with my new life) and he had a rep from some drug company to speak with. I was happy about that however because I didn't feel like being checked up, dealt with, or talked to about anything...it was a bad day for the baby, and I just wanted to get home to him.
So this check-up comes around and I'm dreading the birth control talk. I do not plan on having another baby anytime soon. I would love to, one day in the future, give enoch a little sister or brother, and I wouldn't want them being too far apart, but I don't, cant, and won't be able to handle what another child would bring. I do not get to wake up each day without worry about my little one. What if my next baby was sick too? I worry about things like that all the time...
I also worry about how long I'll have to be off of work. I miss working, I miss having the money to support my child, I feel terrible that my mom has assumed almost all responsibility of buying baby e's necessities...but I can not work with my child being in pain 20 out of 24 hours a day. Without knowing if he's having absence seizures, without knowing that someone will be watching him closely because of how often he chokes. :/ I just hate feeling like I am stuck, in a rut, I can't support my child in any way I feel that a mother should be able to at this point. I feel awful.
That being said, I love him, if anything is important, I believe it's love, and he's got so much love, so so so much. He melts my heart each time he smiles and giggles and tries to talk.
Anyway, back to the point...My midwife is talking to me about Mirena...I'm unsure of this because I'm worried about birth control for a few reasons. She also wanted to give me zoloft because she said she doesn't quite understand how I've been making it this far without crying every day. She was shocked at everything that's happened since we spoke last...
and to make matters worse, my blood levels have dropped significantly again...if pregnancy did one good thing for me (other than give me my sweet boy) it was bring my blood levels up to a nice even level. I have to get a CBC and see exactly what my next course of action will be. I'm a little nervous, iron pills in excess hurt my stomach so bad but I know that's what I need...
So today, was not so great news for mommy day. But my little one had a pretty nice two months birthday if I do say so myself. He's been giggling, he loves his new improved boppy thanks to nana, and now he's sleeping with her after his bath in his lavendar bubbles [:
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