Week one - You are such a special little baby already, we spent most of this week at Flaget Memorial Hospital, with both you and mommy recovering your surprise delivery. Mommy didn't like to have you out of our room at all, I think you left us two times for a couple hours tops. I didn't get much sleep, but I wanted to soak in every moment with you. You were born on a Monday night, after mommy was monitored for 4-5 hours, and we left on a Thursday around noon. The weekend was spent with family and friends, and a lot of sweet memories of your first times. Your constantly did your "small lips" where you puckered up for kisses, although a lot of this time was spent sleeping or eating, you were heaven sent.
Week two- After one visit to your doctor already (for rapid breathing and congestion) we went back again, you were making your mommy daddy and nana a little nervous. We had our first big health scare with you in the form of seizure activity. You were such a trooper though, we went to Kosair for your EEG on your 9th day of being alive. You handled it like a champion and even though mommy got incredibly sick that day, and wasn't able to hold you for 2-3 days (except for a few sneaks here and there) you were such a great baby for nana and daddy. Your eyes were open a bit more this week, even though it was still a lot of sleeping and eating, and dirty diapers [:
Week three- This week your tummy was having lots of troubles, you had a lot of "gassy grins" which mommy loved, but your cries and whines started full force. We had no idea what we would start to encounter here, but we sure did know this was the start of something serious. Mommy had finally been able to breast feed you again, but after almost an entire week without, you would not take to mommys milk anymore, which made things difficult for both of us. This week you started to notice your mommy, daddy and nana a lot more. You could still only see us if we were very close to your face, but you stopped what you were doing and paid close attention to us when we talked to you. I spent a lot of time reading, singing, and talking to you when you were in my tummy, We saw it pay off this week.
Week four - You're a month old! We spent your one month birthday in the same hospital you were born in, after screaming for 4 hours straight, and turning awful colors, we had no choice but to take you in, the nurses brought us back as soon as they heard your screams to triage you, but without a temperature we were sent to wait a little longer. You had such a rough beginning to this week, and your mommy was very upset after leaving the hospital empty handed. We finally found out during this week that you had croup so bad it was leading into stridor. You are an amazing little boy and I love you moe than anything...you smiled at us (without gassy grins) for the first time this week.
At One Month Enoch is eating 2-3 ounces every 2-3 hours. He has been on 4 formulas in less than 2 weeks. He has a LOT of wet diapers every day, I promise he goes to the bathroom more than any other baby. He loves zipper sleepers, his sleep sack, and his paci so far. He is still a cuddle bug and makes the sweetest little faces in his sleep.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
The
hustle and bustle of life lately has bogged me down a bit, and I've come to realize I'm writing his milestones down but never in a productive way that we can look back on...I'm going to start, for myself and anyone else who is interested, updates that go back to the beginning.
It's hard to believe little turtle is already almost 3 months old :[/] im happy, sad, scared, nervous, and excited during this time.
It's hard to believe little turtle is already almost 3 months old :[/] im happy, sad, scared, nervous, and excited during this time.
Monday, May 2, 2011
May 2nd
and my turtle is 10 weeks old!
I love the little guy so much, he makes me so proud to be a mommy, so happy to be a mommy. I feel like we are going to be alright, through all of these hard times, through all of the wondering, we'll be okay...eventually.
However, I am going through an internal struggle, and that is...where to draw lines. I am a first time mommy and I want to enjoy every moment of this, sometimes that means, I want to be selfish. I feel like I have about 8 people to consider every single day...and I don't know how to make everyone happy all at once, while still considering my own feelings.
I won't go into detail, as I said...internal struggle...but I just know, someone has to relate to that in some way..
On a positive note, Osama Bin Laden was finally captured and killed. I know many people are very afraid to think about what comes next, but I wanted to sit in awe for a moment, we lived an event many of us thought would never happen. I wasn't sure if we'd ever catch him. We have, he is gone, his reign of terror is over...His followers may try to retaliate...but let's hope that instead, the people he deemed voiceless for so long will finally have it in them to speak for themselves again.
I love the little guy so much, he makes me so proud to be a mommy, so happy to be a mommy. I feel like we are going to be alright, through all of these hard times, through all of the wondering, we'll be okay...eventually.
However, I am going through an internal struggle, and that is...where to draw lines. I am a first time mommy and I want to enjoy every moment of this, sometimes that means, I want to be selfish. I feel like I have about 8 people to consider every single day...and I don't know how to make everyone happy all at once, while still considering my own feelings.
I won't go into detail, as I said...internal struggle...but I just know, someone has to relate to that in some way..
On a positive note, Osama Bin Laden was finally captured and killed. I know many people are very afraid to think about what comes next, but I wanted to sit in awe for a moment, we lived an event many of us thought would never happen. I wasn't sure if we'd ever catch him. We have, he is gone, his reign of terror is over...His followers may try to retaliate...but let's hope that instead, the people he deemed voiceless for so long will finally have it in them to speak for themselves again.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
oh mommy time
is nonexistant! Not that I'd trade this for the world, but it's hard to find the time to blog lately, even though I want to be doing it every day. I'm at least trying to keep up mentally with what's been going on.
This post, my worry about milestones.
I've been looking into his developments, milestones, updates from my email, snail mail, and babycenter all say he should be a very...slightly...I don't know...different baby? He isn't rolling over, he's not really rolling at all...he lies flat on his back and won't move, he still has a very strong moro-reflex, so he is mostly just scared. However, when you're holding him up, he moves his upper body all around, his neck tilts, he lifts it up, he looks around...it seems a lot different that way. He also, thanks to my dad, will pull himself up now if he grasps on to your fingers and you help him out.
He smiled his first smile within the first 3-4 weeks...they were mostly gas, but you could tickle his little belly or feet and he would smile at you. He would make little noises after his smiles when he was laughing, not quite giggles then. When we were in gatlinburg he did his first real giggle, and his first few coo's. Now he'll giggle very prominent when you tickle him or talk to him sweetly. That way, he's been hitting all of his milestones.
I guess it's just different with him because we can't do things we would with a baby who wasn't sick. Just this morning he woke up at 6 for his bottle and after two ounces he stopped eating it. He sits up when he eats and I went to lift him and he threw up everywhere...not only once, but three large times, and the formula went out of his nose, choked him up and I had to turn him over and when he finally got it up he started to sob so sadly because of how scared it made him. :[
I love him so much, I just can't wait until we get something in his little belly that helps, a new doctor to report his new symptoms to (like rasied potassium...anyone ever heard of that???) annnnd get the new tests to cover everything that's been going on.
This post, my worry about milestones.
I've been looking into his developments, milestones, updates from my email, snail mail, and babycenter all say he should be a very...slightly...I don't know...different baby? He isn't rolling over, he's not really rolling at all...he lies flat on his back and won't move, he still has a very strong moro-reflex, so he is mostly just scared. However, when you're holding him up, he moves his upper body all around, his neck tilts, he lifts it up, he looks around...it seems a lot different that way. He also, thanks to my dad, will pull himself up now if he grasps on to your fingers and you help him out.
He smiled his first smile within the first 3-4 weeks...they were mostly gas, but you could tickle his little belly or feet and he would smile at you. He would make little noises after his smiles when he was laughing, not quite giggles then. When we were in gatlinburg he did his first real giggle, and his first few coo's. Now he'll giggle very prominent when you tickle him or talk to him sweetly. That way, he's been hitting all of his milestones.
I guess it's just different with him because we can't do things we would with a baby who wasn't sick. Just this morning he woke up at 6 for his bottle and after two ounces he stopped eating it. He sits up when he eats and I went to lift him and he threw up everywhere...not only once, but three large times, and the formula went out of his nose, choked him up and I had to turn him over and when he finally got it up he started to sob so sadly because of how scared it made him. :[
I love him so much, I just can't wait until we get something in his little belly that helps, a new doctor to report his new symptoms to (like rasied potassium...anyone ever heard of that???) annnnd get the new tests to cover everything that's been going on.
Monday, April 18, 2011
4-18-11
and mommy's trip to the doctor.
I had my 4 week post c-section visit with Dr. Dodge, it was a quick in and out thing, I was running late (no surprise with my new life) and he had a rep from some drug company to speak with. I was happy about that however because I didn't feel like being checked up, dealt with, or talked to about anything...it was a bad day for the baby, and I just wanted to get home to him.
So this check-up comes around and I'm dreading the birth control talk. I do not plan on having another baby anytime soon. I would love to, one day in the future, give enoch a little sister or brother, and I wouldn't want them being too far apart, but I don't, cant, and won't be able to handle what another child would bring. I do not get to wake up each day without worry about my little one. What if my next baby was sick too? I worry about things like that all the time...
I also worry about how long I'll have to be off of work. I miss working, I miss having the money to support my child, I feel terrible that my mom has assumed almost all responsibility of buying baby e's necessities...but I can not work with my child being in pain 20 out of 24 hours a day. Without knowing if he's having absence seizures, without knowing that someone will be watching him closely because of how often he chokes. :/ I just hate feeling like I am stuck, in a rut, I can't support my child in any way I feel that a mother should be able to at this point. I feel awful.
That being said, I love him, if anything is important, I believe it's love, and he's got so much love, so so so much. He melts my heart each time he smiles and giggles and tries to talk.
Anyway, back to the point...My midwife is talking to me about Mirena...I'm unsure of this because I'm worried about birth control for a few reasons. She also wanted to give me zoloft because she said she doesn't quite understand how I've been making it this far without crying every day. She was shocked at everything that's happened since we spoke last...
and to make matters worse, my blood levels have dropped significantly again...if pregnancy did one good thing for me (other than give me my sweet boy) it was bring my blood levels up to a nice even level. I have to get a CBC and see exactly what my next course of action will be. I'm a little nervous, iron pills in excess hurt my stomach so bad but I know that's what I need...
So today, was not so great news for mommy day. But my little one had a pretty nice two months birthday if I do say so myself. He's been giggling, he loves his new improved boppy thanks to nana, and now he's sleeping with her after his bath in his lavendar bubbles [:
I had my 4 week post c-section visit with Dr. Dodge, it was a quick in and out thing, I was running late (no surprise with my new life) and he had a rep from some drug company to speak with. I was happy about that however because I didn't feel like being checked up, dealt with, or talked to about anything...it was a bad day for the baby, and I just wanted to get home to him.
So this check-up comes around and I'm dreading the birth control talk. I do not plan on having another baby anytime soon. I would love to, one day in the future, give enoch a little sister or brother, and I wouldn't want them being too far apart, but I don't, cant, and won't be able to handle what another child would bring. I do not get to wake up each day without worry about my little one. What if my next baby was sick too? I worry about things like that all the time...
I also worry about how long I'll have to be off of work. I miss working, I miss having the money to support my child, I feel terrible that my mom has assumed almost all responsibility of buying baby e's necessities...but I can not work with my child being in pain 20 out of 24 hours a day. Without knowing if he's having absence seizures, without knowing that someone will be watching him closely because of how often he chokes. :/ I just hate feeling like I am stuck, in a rut, I can't support my child in any way I feel that a mother should be able to at this point. I feel awful.
That being said, I love him, if anything is important, I believe it's love, and he's got so much love, so so so much. He melts my heart each time he smiles and giggles and tries to talk.
Anyway, back to the point...My midwife is talking to me about Mirena...I'm unsure of this because I'm worried about birth control for a few reasons. She also wanted to give me zoloft because she said she doesn't quite understand how I've been making it this far without crying every day. She was shocked at everything that's happened since we spoke last...
and to make matters worse, my blood levels have dropped significantly again...if pregnancy did one good thing for me (other than give me my sweet boy) it was bring my blood levels up to a nice even level. I have to get a CBC and see exactly what my next course of action will be. I'm a little nervous, iron pills in excess hurt my stomach so bad but I know that's what I need...
So today, was not so great news for mommy day. But my little one had a pretty nice two months birthday if I do say so myself. He's been giggling, he loves his new improved boppy thanks to nana, and now he's sleeping with her after his bath in his lavendar bubbles [:
Saturday, April 16, 2011
4-16-11
I apologize to my son, myself, and anyone who is reading with us for not updating this as much as I should have been so far. I wanted to keep this and update it almost daily so that my turtle would know what kinds of ups and downs were going on in his little existance, in detail.
It has been a long road, I expected the first few months of this to bring happy tears to my eyes. To smile and laugh and enjoy every moment of this. Now, please do not get me wrong, every morning I wake up I am so overjoyed that God thought enough of me to give me such a blessing, and everytime he does anything new, or something he's done before, I smile as such a proud mommy...but this has also been the most difficult, unexpected thing I've ever gone through. I would not trade him for the world, but I sure did not expect to have a sick child.
Now, I admire and respect all mothers, those single, married, divorced, what have you. Being a mother is a full time job for anyone, and only some people are lucky enough to have their partner there all the time. But no matter how fairy tale, or not, your life may be, having a child who has something wrong with them is hard. I can't imagine being a parent of a child with a disease like cancer, or anything like that...and I am not saying I understand their struggle, but this has been one in its own.
The first week or so with our little joy was perfect. He was awake and not crying, just existing, opening his eyes and looking up at us. Then I had to stop breastfeeding and things went quickly down hill. I have had such anextreme connection to my son, throgh my entire pregnancy...one that brought me to the hospital just in time to deliver him before we would have lost him. However, knowing that I now, can not help my son, is the worst feeling. My poor little man screams all day, if he is awake there are very few happy times, very few moments where he is calm, or not in pain. Doctor after doctor, specialists even, can not figure out why my son screams, but they each assure us that what he does is not normal. One ER visit even led a few nurses to come in and almost wonder if we were hurting our little man... Imagine the pain that brought us.
I, now almost 8 weeks after having baby E should be preparing to go back to work, instead I am waiting on word that will allow me to know if I can extend that time even more due to the fact that no one would be able to watch him for us. We found a wonderful woman to babysit our little one, but she has other children she must also care for. I am telling you, it is impossible to care for yourself, let alone another child, or 4.
I cant imaigne my life without him, he has brought me through a lot of struggles this far, but in saying so..I have also been stressed beyond any normal measure as well. Enough to hurt my personal relationships...and it is not his fault, but my own. I say this because I have blamed myself for each thing that is wrong with him, no matter what it is that happens. I have been praying and asking God for forgiveness, patience, and the ability of sight. To see where these paths in my life are going to lead, which ones will dead end, and which ones will taper off into nothing, but do so gently. I just hope it is in The Lord's will to bring us all together in a happy family enviornment. I only wish the best for everyone.
It has been a long road, I expected the first few months of this to bring happy tears to my eyes. To smile and laugh and enjoy every moment of this. Now, please do not get me wrong, every morning I wake up I am so overjoyed that God thought enough of me to give me such a blessing, and everytime he does anything new, or something he's done before, I smile as such a proud mommy...but this has also been the most difficult, unexpected thing I've ever gone through. I would not trade him for the world, but I sure did not expect to have a sick child.
Now, I admire and respect all mothers, those single, married, divorced, what have you. Being a mother is a full time job for anyone, and only some people are lucky enough to have their partner there all the time. But no matter how fairy tale, or not, your life may be, having a child who has something wrong with them is hard. I can't imagine being a parent of a child with a disease like cancer, or anything like that...and I am not saying I understand their struggle, but this has been one in its own.
The first week or so with our little joy was perfect. He was awake and not crying, just existing, opening his eyes and looking up at us. Then I had to stop breastfeeding and things went quickly down hill. I have had such anextreme connection to my son, throgh my entire pregnancy...one that brought me to the hospital just in time to deliver him before we would have lost him. However, knowing that I now, can not help my son, is the worst feeling. My poor little man screams all day, if he is awake there are very few happy times, very few moments where he is calm, or not in pain. Doctor after doctor, specialists even, can not figure out why my son screams, but they each assure us that what he does is not normal. One ER visit even led a few nurses to come in and almost wonder if we were hurting our little man... Imagine the pain that brought us.
I, now almost 8 weeks after having baby E should be preparing to go back to work, instead I am waiting on word that will allow me to know if I can extend that time even more due to the fact that no one would be able to watch him for us. We found a wonderful woman to babysit our little one, but she has other children she must also care for. I am telling you, it is impossible to care for yourself, let alone another child, or 4.
I cant imaigne my life without him, he has brought me through a lot of struggles this far, but in saying so..I have also been stressed beyond any normal measure as well. Enough to hurt my personal relationships...and it is not his fault, but my own. I say this because I have blamed myself for each thing that is wrong with him, no matter what it is that happens. I have been praying and asking God for forgiveness, patience, and the ability of sight. To see where these paths in my life are going to lead, which ones will dead end, and which ones will taper off into nothing, but do so gently. I just hope it is in The Lord's will to bring us all together in a happy family enviornment. I only wish the best for everyone.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
February 21st and the birth of my turtle.
March 4th was my little turtle's due date. We anticipated that he may come early, but it would be a controlled labor enviornment if that were to happen...basically, we had no surprises in mind. My blood was alright, and after one more test I was to find out if we would have a natural un-induced labor for E, or if it would have to be induced so the doctor would know exactly what was going on. The date to find out that, and for my next prenatal appointment, was February 24th.
February 21st rolls around and I'm feeling a little bit sick, thinking I have a urinary tract infection I give my doctor a call...unfortunately for me both doctors were out of the office that day and I would have to go to the ER or wait until the 22nd. Every part of me wanted to go ahead and wait, but after calling my mom I decided to go ahead and get it checked out...it wouldn't hurt anything...and I would get to figure it out and get on medicine a day sooner. I drove to Bardstown and nearly turned around twice, I didn't want to go that far to pee in a cup and maybe have to wait for medicine by myself. I pulled p to Flaget and sat in the car for 10 minutes before I finally walked inside. I got wheeled upstairs and they told me to go use the restroom, while we were waiting the nurse asked if I wanted to put a gown on and monitor baby just to see, and I said yes. My favorite part of appointments was hearing turtle's heart beat. I could have listened to that ALL day. After about 40 minutes of monitoring a semi-concerned nurse came in and told me they were gonna have to lay me down flat. That had never happened before (and I'd been to the hospital for monitoring 4 times) so I was a bit concerned, however, I was assured it was just because turtle was pretty active and they needed to calm him down. 30 minutes later I was flipped to my left, 10 later they came to put pillows under my side to keep me very uncomfortably on my left. 20 minutes later and I was flipped to my right...then 30 minutes after that Doctor Dodge comes in with an ultrasound machine. He saw a nice amount of fluid surrounding the baby, and everything looked okay...he assured me I would be fine after an IV or two and he left. 7 minutes and 30 seconds later (I won't ever forget that) a nurse steps in and tells another
"It's been seven minutes, should we call him back?"
"Yeah, we need to call him now".
I was sure some other woman on the floor had a test run and it was time to get results...I was blindly thinking they couldn't be talking about me. How wrong I was. 10 minutes later the nurse comes back in
"Your son's heartbeat was over 180 for 7 minutes, so we need to have a talk"
"Okay...what do we do about that?"
"We're going to need to do an Emergency C-Section, please don't freak out...we've got to get the baby out now"
I started crying, only not a cry...I was literally bawling my eyes out. I thought for sure I would lose my turtle, or my own life...I didn't want a C-Section, and I didnt want anything to be wrong with my son. Everything there was a blur, I called my mom hysterical and Patrick the same way, then Doctor Dodge came in asking (in a loud, mean voice) why no one had me ready for surgery yet and why they had such a hard time understanding the words STAT and EMERGENCY. This obviously made me feel no better and from then on I couldn't catch my breath. They wheeled me into the room and a cold liquid was poured over my tummy while they asked me questions i knew no answer to. I was mad myself and crying so much they finally gave me something to knock me out. The last time I looked at the clock it was 7:30. My baby turtle was born at 8:09 PM. I was not awake until 10:15. I had no idea what happened at all. When I woke up I was told the cord was wrapped very tightly around his neck twice and once around his head. I just begged them to let me see him and they made me wait another 15 minutes to see how I was reacting to being awake and getting the morphine because when I woke up my pain level was above a 10.
Finally, way too late, they wheeled my son into my room and I immediately started to cry. I had been waiting for that moment for such a long time, I had no strength left in me...but he was finally here. I was shaking so much at first the nurse helped me hold him until I finally calmed down a little bit. I got to be with my son for a few minutes before they brought Patrick in and finally my mom! I was so excited to have everyone inside with me, sharing in his little life.
Considering everything that happened, I know how close I was to losing turtle and I almost can't think about it without crying and getting sort of upset...that entire afternoon something was evidentely wrong but nothing was done about it until, to me it seems, it was almost too late. However, my son is now and has been since we found out about him, a miracle. I believe he was a gift directly from God and I try every day to live up to the image of what I'm sure God has in mind for me..especially since he gave me such a beautiful, wonderful, life changing gift.
I am the luckiest, most blessed, mother in the world.
February 21st rolls around and I'm feeling a little bit sick, thinking I have a urinary tract infection I give my doctor a call...unfortunately for me both doctors were out of the office that day and I would have to go to the ER or wait until the 22nd. Every part of me wanted to go ahead and wait, but after calling my mom I decided to go ahead and get it checked out...it wouldn't hurt anything...and I would get to figure it out and get on medicine a day sooner. I drove to Bardstown and nearly turned around twice, I didn't want to go that far to pee in a cup and maybe have to wait for medicine by myself. I pulled p to Flaget and sat in the car for 10 minutes before I finally walked inside. I got wheeled upstairs and they told me to go use the restroom, while we were waiting the nurse asked if I wanted to put a gown on and monitor baby just to see, and I said yes. My favorite part of appointments was hearing turtle's heart beat. I could have listened to that ALL day. After about 40 minutes of monitoring a semi-concerned nurse came in and told me they were gonna have to lay me down flat. That had never happened before (and I'd been to the hospital for monitoring 4 times) so I was a bit concerned, however, I was assured it was just because turtle was pretty active and they needed to calm him down. 30 minutes later I was flipped to my left, 10 later they came to put pillows under my side to keep me very uncomfortably on my left. 20 minutes later and I was flipped to my right...then 30 minutes after that Doctor Dodge comes in with an ultrasound machine. He saw a nice amount of fluid surrounding the baby, and everything looked okay...he assured me I would be fine after an IV or two and he left. 7 minutes and 30 seconds later (I won't ever forget that) a nurse steps in and tells another
"It's been seven minutes, should we call him back?"
"Yeah, we need to call him now".
I was sure some other woman on the floor had a test run and it was time to get results...I was blindly thinking they couldn't be talking about me. How wrong I was. 10 minutes later the nurse comes back in
"Your son's heartbeat was over 180 for 7 minutes, so we need to have a talk"
"Okay...what do we do about that?"
"We're going to need to do an Emergency C-Section, please don't freak out...we've got to get the baby out now"
I started crying, only not a cry...I was literally bawling my eyes out. I thought for sure I would lose my turtle, or my own life...I didn't want a C-Section, and I didnt want anything to be wrong with my son. Everything there was a blur, I called my mom hysterical and Patrick the same way, then Doctor Dodge came in asking (in a loud, mean voice) why no one had me ready for surgery yet and why they had such a hard time understanding the words STAT and EMERGENCY. This obviously made me feel no better and from then on I couldn't catch my breath. They wheeled me into the room and a cold liquid was poured over my tummy while they asked me questions i knew no answer to. I was mad myself and crying so much they finally gave me something to knock me out. The last time I looked at the clock it was 7:30. My baby turtle was born at 8:09 PM. I was not awake until 10:15. I had no idea what happened at all. When I woke up I was told the cord was wrapped very tightly around his neck twice and once around his head. I just begged them to let me see him and they made me wait another 15 minutes to see how I was reacting to being awake and getting the morphine because when I woke up my pain level was above a 10.
Finally, way too late, they wheeled my son into my room and I immediately started to cry. I had been waiting for that moment for such a long time, I had no strength left in me...but he was finally here. I was shaking so much at first the nurse helped me hold him until I finally calmed down a little bit. I got to be with my son for a few minutes before they brought Patrick in and finally my mom! I was so excited to have everyone inside with me, sharing in his little life.
Considering everything that happened, I know how close I was to losing turtle and I almost can't think about it without crying and getting sort of upset...that entire afternoon something was evidentely wrong but nothing was done about it until, to me it seems, it was almost too late. However, my son is now and has been since we found out about him, a miracle. I believe he was a gift directly from God and I try every day to live up to the image of what I'm sure God has in mind for me..especially since he gave me such a beautiful, wonderful, life changing gift.
I am the luckiest, most blessed, mother in the world.
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